WELCOME TO THE WORLD ACCORDING TO KEVIN HARRISON!!
Here we have the two founding fathers of the Kevin Harrisson Cult. Dedicated to Peace Liberty and chasing Japanese Tourists around the park in the pishing rain with a cattle prod, if they use those little Ivory signiture things instead of a good old fashioned biro! "Here is the writing which was sent to us from afar'away!". "What my brother/dad is trying to say is, read this letter, THEN BOW YOUR HEAD AND PRAISE KEVIN HARRISSON, DO YOU THINK YOU CAN MAKE IT INTO TESCO'S WITHOUT HIS HELP?? FOOL!"
To cut a very long story short, Kevin Harrisson sent a letter to a major phone company asking why they had not, as yet, made and sold a Solar Power Mobile Phone recharger. The letter starts with the line, "I have seen these items in action at an all Week-end Rave!", Which gave me an idea of what kind of person he was, hmmmm! The letter read with great style and gracefully flitted over a number of topics before settling into his main groove, what was that a nation enquires?, well i'll tell ya! '"All tourist's, coming from Japan, should be searched and, if an Ivory signatiure stamp is found in/on their possession, they should be chased naked around a heavily fortified Prison complex in the pouring rain with an Electric cattle prod"'. His intention was never meant to be taken in a Racial context, purely in an effort to curb the use/sale of poached Ivory, which, as you all will agree, is FUCKED UP!
I did have his letter typed in its full glory, but unfortunately it corrupted, he probably put some kind of curse on it or something, i dont know, all i do know is that one day it was here, the next it was GONE! Spooky, eh?!?
AND THEN IT CAME!!! THE WORD PART TWO!!!
It’s Kevin here. Stick this in your website. Does anyone out there want to save the planet from Global Warming because here’s how to do it using a small blob of brown plastic, a cocktail stick, a small rectangle of white paper, 2 felt tip pens, one red and one blue, a bit of glue, a small cardboard box, some stamps and a pen. Now how the hell can anyone stop Global Warming by using bits of junk like this? First of all get a small blob of brown plastic. A ‘dirty Fido’ will do (a dirty Fido is a fake dog shit made to look like ‘the real thing’. It’s made out of brown plastic and can be obtained from any joke shop), next glue the cocktail stick on top of the dirty Fido so it looks like a little flag pole. Next, using the red and blue felt tip pens, draw a stars and stripes flag, write the words Bush it’s Kyoto, Stupid! Like this: Bush its glue this the right way up onto the
other side of the upside down stars and stripes, make sure the flag is well and truly stuck fast to its little flagpole and the little flagpole is welded with strong glue into the piece of brown plastic fake dog shit. Now this ‘little gem’ of a gift has to be glued into a small cardboard box because its going on a long journey. carefully pack the box with cotton wool to make sure everything will be intact when it arrives at its destination, as soon as it’s boxed up with the words ‘this way up’ written on the side of it just write “to George W. Bush, The White House, Washington, America,” on the box, stick the correct amount of stamps on it and just bung it in the post. Here’s exactly what will happen at the White House. The mail is probably opened by someone and they will shake the box thinking, “I bet there’s something nice in here for Mr President.” They will eagerly unwrap this “gift”??? thinking, “It’s packed in cotton wool. It must be something valuable,”, followed by, ‘Hm it’s a plastic dog shit and it’s got our flag upside down on it and what’s that written there?
Whoever opens it will think from just one nutter acting alone, they’ll probably think it’s really funny, they’ll get a bit worried when the second one arrives from another country, then another one arrives the next day, then 5 arrive on the same day, 30 the day after that, 100 the day after that, then it starts to become an epidemic. Eventually someone places one of these things on president George W Bush’s desk saying, “What do you think of this Mr President? We’ve got thousands of these downstairs. They are all the same and they are coming from all over the planet too and we can’t stop them. I think they are requests for the US of A to sign up to the Kyoto agreement to limit Co² emissions. If we don’t sign up to this fast the whole White House will be full of shit by a week on Thursday.” If the postage to America is too much just send them to your local American Embassy. I’m sure they’ll enjoy this, or just place them on the ground at tourist attractions where there are American tourists and ask these American tourists to take your photo standing next to one of these things. Eventually this might become “the image of the Millenium”. Someone somewhere at some point in time may even present George W. Bush with one of these things. What a photo that would make and the press would be straight onto this one.
Well I think that’s enough for the time being. There will be more sporadic rantings from me later.
WELCOME TO KEVIN HARRISSON AIRWAYS! I DO HOPE THAT YOU ENJOY YER FLIGHT, AND THAT THE IN FLIGHT ENTERTAIMENT IS UP TO YER STANDARDS, IF NOT, WELL, WE DO HAVE TWO ALTERNATIVES FOR YA! ONE IS CONCERNED WITH TRAVEL, AND THE OTHER WITH SEX! ARE YA SMART ENOUGH TO WORK OUT OUR COMPANY STANCE FOR WHINERS LIKE YERSELF?